I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
