If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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