Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
