she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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