Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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