As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
