so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
