I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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