just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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