I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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