this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
