i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
