If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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