how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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