dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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