I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
