It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
