i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
