On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
