he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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