He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
