seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
