If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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