did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
