I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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