I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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