you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
