I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
