life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
