so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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