I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
