I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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