Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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