you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize