Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
