Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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