he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
