You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
