A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
