So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
