ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
