I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
