I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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