she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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