There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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