Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
