remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
