there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
