Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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