we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
