I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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