I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
