I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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