Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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