booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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