you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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