whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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