you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
