HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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