Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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