woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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