We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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