that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
