It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
