Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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