Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
